The Spirit Wolves

by Julia D. Stege

I didn't know until I drove up in my rented car that we were staying on a wolf preservation, but I liked the idea immediately. I was attending the retreat for the Beta group of the Strategic Attraction Training Academy of Coaching. Our retreat site was located in the lush grassy fields of Montgomery, Texas. To be honest, I was a bit reticent about going to Texas at all, but this place was so quiet and beautiful, I quickly forgot my resistance.

Already in early April the trees had grown their summer leaves and lined the long fields, majestically waving in the slow, warm breezes. Wildflowers spread their colored petals wide to the sun and danced alongside grasses, bending and flowing up the hill. The buildings of the retreat nestled unobtrusively between the hills and welcomed me to rest my traveling feet.

There was no sign of the wolves until just before dawn the morning after we arrived. My retreat roommate, business partner, and shaman, Linda Grace and I had gotten to bed reasonably early and slept soundly. The window was open and the sounds of nature had been our lullaby all night.

Then I heard him. He awoke me from a dream with his long melodious howl, one lone voice in the dark. Then he was joined by another, and another until a pack of them were howling, a symphony of wolves. I lay there in bed with my eyes wide open, listening. Then the howling stopped and the crickets took over the pre-dawn song.

I may have been the only one at the retreat who heard them that first morning because Linda slept through it and the others were sleeping with their windows closed for the air conditioning. But again the second night we slept with the window open, and when the howling began at 5:30 am, I awoke with a pounding headache and the sweats. Migraine.

I lay there in pain, listened to the howling. There were 12 of them, I had found out. They were in a fenced area just away from the retreat center. There used to be wild wolves in that area, but now they are officially extinct in Texas. So a woman Reverend Jean LeFevre started a wolf preservation to give a home to wolves and wolf-dogs who have been abandoned or mistreated by people fascinated with the novelty of owning a wolf, but unqualified to care for them.

The sweats and nausea drove me crying to the bathroom by the time the sun rose. I had dry heaves. Some combination of bad airplane food, menstrual cycle hormones, and the change in atmospheric pressure from California to Texas resulted in this maddening pain. Linda still slept through it all so I lurched out of our door into the hallway to find 2 members of our group offering to help me. One woman knew Reicki (thanks Lisa G !) and agreed to balance me out. Linda awoke as Lisa worked, and showered and dressed to get ready for the day.

When Lisa finished I had calmed down significantly, but still had the throbbing pain. Linda naturally took over and began a shamanic ritual. "Do what your body wants to do. Your body knows what to do." I rocked. I shook. I cried.

I retreated into a past world where the wolves ran free. They roamed freely across the untouched prairie, lit only by the wide moon. Then I saw the men. They came with guns to kill the wolves for eating their sheep or simply out of fear or for sport. They captured the wild wolves and caged them for entertainment. I wept for the wolves and for the wild, untouched land before the people came.

"That's it, let it go," said Linda between chanting icaros from the rainforest…songs taught to shamans by the wild plant spirits. I had no resistance.

Then the spirit wolves came in and filled the room. I could feel them surrounding me with their healing energy. I could see them in my mind's eye, gray wolves, white wolves, tan wolves, old and young. I had never had such a clear experience of an animal spirit before, but here they were coming to me to heal me. I opened myself to their medicine and Linda's medicine for what seemed like hours. When I finally sat up, the pain was gone. I looked at the clock and it was not yet 9:30. It was a miracle. Never before had I ever gotten a migraine that lasted less than 12 hours. (Thanks to Linda for helping to turn my migraine into a shamanic experience!)

All day I thought about the wolves and shared my shamanic experience of their healing energy. I wanted to go find them but this didn't happen until the last day of the retreat. Every morning I had waited for their howling, and had my moments of connection that way. But on the last day of the retreat I walked with my friend Annie to the wolf pen and I saw them.

Contrary to their negative press and cultural stories like "Peter and the Wolf," and "Little Red Riding Hood," the wolves were better behaved than my four Leonberger dogs at home who always bark and jump on each other when strangers come near their pen. The volunteer there told us these wolves are better behaved than any dogs he knows. They are beautiful looking, mostly quiet, and regal with penetrating eyes that warm the heart. I was teary eyed just looking at them.

We met with [what's her name] who introduced us to a couple of the house wolves she has, and her dog who she also calls a wolf. "There are no dogs who were not derived from some combination of wolf, coyote or jackal," she said. "So when someone comes over and asks to see my wolf-dog, I point to her," she says pointing at a tiny black dog laying on a chair.

Though it's been over 6 weeks since I returned from Texas, I have thought about the wolves every day. They are my spirit guide and now they adorn the home page of my website.

I created this drawing of the spirit wolves over 8 years ago for a now defunct national new-age magazine. They are a perfect representation of Life is Magic for me as they fly freely, protecting the Earth and her inhabitants.

I gave Jean a check for $100 to help her with her work, to maintain the pens, feed the wolves and educate people about their plight. If you would like to contribute to Jean's Wolf Preservation and/or adopt a wolf, please visit Saint Francis Wolf Sanctuary